


The Death-Defying Mystery of the Brothers Winchester

by Dyed_Red



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Supernatural
Genre: Gen, but it will absolutely help because there’s no dialogue tags, buzzfeed unsolved - Freeform, buzzfeed unsolved au, mostly just a humorous recap of all the times they’ve been arrested really, outsider pov, script-ish format, you don’t need to have watched unsolved to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28476807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyed_Red/pseuds/Dyed_Red
Summary: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved – True Crime, we explore the case of two serial killers with a series of crimes so varied and grizzly that the duo have been called ‘satanic’, ‘evil’, and ‘downright demonic’ even by investigators tasked with tracking them down.
Comments: 41
Kudos: 216





	The Death-Defying Mystery of the Brothers Winchester

**Author's Note:**

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** BuzzFeed **

UNSOLVED

True Crime

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved – True Crime, we explore the case of two serial killers with a series of crimes so varied and grizzly that the duo have been called ‘satanic’, ‘evil’, and ‘downright demonic’ even by investigators tasked with tracking them down. We’ll go deep into a history of a life spent in relative exile and a trail of grave-robbing, ritual violence, and killing that ends with more than one reported murder – of the perpetrators themselves.

This week, we explore the infamous Winchester Brothers.

“So we’ve got some murderers this week.” 

"We do in fact have some murderers, Shane. Some murderers so prolific, in fact, that their total body count is suspected to be in the triple digits.”

“We’ve got triple dig-ies?” “Triple dig-ies.”

“That’s bad. These are some bad, bad guys!”

“We’re barely gonna touch on their crimes though.”

“Wha - oh. Okay, they did crime, that’s it? Done, no mystery?”

“The real mystery isn’t so much the crimes they’ve left in their wake, it’s how they manage to get away with them, and how they somehow evaded and escaped from capture so many times.”

“Ooooh.”

Without further ado, let’s get into – the Mysterious Resurrections of the Winchester Brothers.

**The Case**

Dean Winchester was born in 1979 in Lawrence Kansas to Mary and John Winchester. In 1983, his younger brother Sam was born, and six months later their house burned down in a mystery fire which killed Mary. Police at the time ruled out arson and foul play.

John Winchester remained in Lawrence less than two weeks before moving with the boys. Around the same time -

Wait - that’s it about the fire? That’s it.  But that – it sounds like there’s a mystery there. Maybe some casual arson?  Haha - just casual, casual arson.  NBD.  Right, yeah, it is pretty sus. We’re gonna cycle – we’re gonna come back to it.  Okay. 

Around the same time, Mary Winchester’s uncle Jacob, who held the funeral for Mary, disappeared, never to be seen again. Not much is known about how the brothers grew up. One profile put together initially by an Agent Henrickson of the FBI, later made public, has indicated that Dean and Sam Winchester were raised in a religious, cult-like family, possibly to believe that satanic worshipers or some type of monsters had killed their mother.

An interview from a second FBI agent who was part of a taskforce later dedicated to stopping the brothers has referred to their childhood as “monstrous”, mentioning wilderness survival training and ritual violence as part of their daily lives. She also indicated that both boys were raised as “child soldiers” and that the older brother Dean is believed to have been “taught to kill from an early age.”

Like – like how early are we talking.  The report says like, 10 to 12.  _TEN? That’s a_ – That is a _child_.  A child soldier. 

According to one FBI report, over the next 17 years, the Winchester brothers were registered for schools in no fewer than 40 different cities and towns across the continental United States. That is an average of more than three schools per year in at least 26 states. The total number of towns in which they lived growing up is unknown.

“Why so many? Were they military kids?”

“Well John Winchester was a marine, but no it wasn’t th – he was retired. So it wasn't that. The general agreement seems to be that they moved so often to keep child protective – to keep the authorities from asking too many questions.”

“Why not just raise them on a farm? Homeschool them? Seems way easier.”

“I guess it depends on how many bodies they might’ve been dropping.”

“Dark.”

“Yeah.”

Despite their upbringing and the fact that serial killers on average have a lower IQ than the average person, the Winchester brothers are believed to be highly intelligent. They are so intelligent that Sam Winchester received a full ride scholarship to Stanford University a -

To Stanford!?  To Stanford.  What kind of IQ – what did he score on his SATs? How does – 40 towns and he still...”  I don’t know what to tell you man. Sam Winchester did most of a BA at Stanford University. That’s actually where his story gets super weird.  Weirder than a kid who went to 40 schools getting a full ride? I don’t know, I think that’s the real unsolved mystery right there.  Yeah I’ll get right on that. We’ll uh, we’ll tackle the mystery of this kid’s SAT scores next week.  Okay good. 

Sam Winchester received a full ride scholarship to Stanford University, although he never graduated. In his final semester, Sam’s girlfriend at the time, a young woman named Jessica Moore, died in a fire in the apartment-style dorm they rented together. Although no foul play was determined at the time, the fire originated in the bedroom with no reported ignition source, exactly like the fire that killed Sam’s mother.

Ooooh, so when you said we were gonna come back to the fire -  We’re back!  So what do we – do we think his father...?  That’s a whole other Unsolved episode. I’ll just give the official FBI position. 

Because this was in a different state, it was not immediately connected to Mary Winchester’s death. However, the FBI profile later indicated that the Winchester brothers have a ‘family history’ of arson, leading many to believe that the fires that killed Mary Winchester and Jessica Moore were not in fact accidents. 

Whether it was John, Dean, or Sam Winchester who killed Jessica Moore is a subject of intense speculation. Regardless of what exactly happened to both Mary Winchester and Jessica Moore, Sam Winchester reportedly left Stanford with his brother the same night, and is believed to have been together with his brother Dean ever since.

Wait you don’t mean -  I mean they’ve been working together ever since.  Oh okay. I was worried we were about to get a little uh a little Flowers in the Attic in here.  There are definitely people who think that’s part of the profile - Oh!  But we’re not gonna get into that.  Okay. Probably for the best. 

Dean Winchester first came to the attention of the authorities in 2005 when police in St. Louis saw him fleeing the scene of a crime. He had abducted and violently assaulted a young woman who was a university friend of Sam Winchester. She was the last victim in a string of violent assaults, more than one of which ended in murder, and local authorities believe Dean Winchester committed all of them.

However, Dean Winchester was shot at the scene of a crime still in St. Louis, and was cremated shortly after. At the time, authorities did not raise any charges against Sam Winchester, despite also being at the scene of the crime. He was also the one to ID the body.

Wait wait – what? He’s dead? Just like that? I thought -  Oh just you wait.  What - does he come back from the dead?  Well that’s the mystery - _That’s_ the mystery? Okay. Okay I’ll wait. 

That’s some – I'm looking for some Houdini shit now.  Hahah – you – you won’t be disappointed. 

John Winchester was declared dead later that year under strange circumstances involving a car accident. Only a few months after John’s death, both brothers were arrested alive in connection to a double homicide in Baltimore. Authorities reported bafflement as to how Dean Winchester was alive, although wrote it up as a mis-filing. On record, Dean Winchester indicated a seemingly sincere belief a 'vengeful spirit' was to blame for the double-murder. Both brothers were released after being held in custody with no additional charges filed.

“So that's weird.”

“He’s _alive?!_ ”

“Seems that way.”

“But he was dead? That was why – he was shot at the scene of a crime.”

“Not just shot, the coroner declared him dead and they cremated someone’s body.”

“Yikes. Can you imagine that poor guy’s family like – who, who was he?”

“Probably another one of their victims.”

“And they just let Sam ID the body? No questions asked?”

“Well they didn’t know – he wasn’t a suspect yet.”

“Psssh. How about in – where are they?”

“Baltimore.”

“How did no charges get added in Baltimore? How did they get let go? He was suspected of murder! He was dead and back alive!”

“Yeah that’s - we return to that in the theories.”

A few months later, the brothers Winchester were both ID’d on camera as part of a bank robbery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The FBI arrived on scene. However, both brothers evaded capture. They were later arrested the same year in Little Rock, Arkansas, and were awaiting trial in Green River County Detention Center, from which they also managed to escape without a trace.

A prison break!? These guys have got – resurrection, bank robbery, and prison break, baby!  You like that?  I’m impressed!  It is yeah -  A very impressive resume.  A bit grim.  (laugh) A bit -  Oh yeah – just a bit of murder, double homicide, cult survivalist upbringing.  But the prison break makes it cool?  Totally.  (laugh) Okay cool, just going to remind the audience if I ever turn up dead, start with this guy.  (whisper) You’ll never find the body.  (wheeze) 

The Winchester brothers were once again apprehended by the authorities on February 21st 2008. The FBI arrested both brothers at a break-and-enter on an anonymous tip. They were held overnight in a Sherriff's office in a small town called Monument, Colorado. And this is where things get weird.

This? This is where things get weird?  (laugh) Well - weirder.  Okay, I thought the non-dying was weird enough.  Yeah we’re about to double down on that.  Oh good. 

Over the next 8 hours, contact with the Sherriff's office was cut off. Locals reported seeing black smoke and a crowd gathered outside the precinct. Many local townspeople reported memory loss relating to that night. The authorities have not released an official report of what occurred. What we do know is that there were as many as 8 different people who died inside and around the precinct overnight, including local law enforcement. 

An FBI helicopter also exploded. Agent Henrickson’s forwarded report of the night decaled both brothers dead as a result of the mayhem. He died the following morning when the entire Sherriff's office also exploded due to an apparent gas leak. Over a dozen people died inside.

“Holy shit. That’s... that’s - “

“Yeah.”

“That’s weird.”

“Really weird. Like – insanely weird.”

“How do they – how does one – how does that happen.”

“I got nothing.”

“I don’t - what do – are we getting into theories, next? Because something – something – it's like the fires. These guys are committing arson – or their dad, I guess, for the first one – and now they’ve moved on to blowing things up!”

“Seems that way. Like this isn’t a – that's not a molotov cocktail situation. We’re talking some serious arson when you’re blowing up helicopters and then whole buildings.”

“Did they cause the gas leak?”

“It was either that or a freak coincidence.”

“Right.”

“We’ve got one final thing to talk about before the theories?”

“There’s more?”

“Yeah we’re about to get to the part you’ll recognize.”

“Huh.”

Both Winchester brothers were believed to be dead for the next several years. Although there were reportings in some of the more esoteric true crime forums on the internet, neither Dean nor Sam Winchester was arrested on suspicion of any crimes nor were caught for certain alive on camera until early 2012, when they hit national news with a video of a mass killing spree that started in a diner -

OH! These are those guys?!  These are those guys!  They’re the ones who – with the Youtube and the guns!  Yes!  They’re crazy!  I know!  Holy shit. These are the same guys. 

The brothers were finally arrested after armed robberies and assault including convenient stores, banks, and the infamous diner shoot-out. Sheriffs managed to arrest both brothers in Iowa. In what has become a pattern with both of the brothers, they were taken into custody locally, and shortly after several of the attending officers in the precinct were killed. Once again, both brothers were reported dead. This time, both brothers were decapitated. However, their heads were never found.

Oh that’s, that’s dark. I remember seeing an article about that a few years ago.

You wanna know the craziest thing?

Don’t tell me – no. Don’t tell me.

They. Are. Not. Dead.

There’s no way!

I know! It makes no sense!

How! Well I guess – okay I guess they never found their heads, right? So maybe it wasn’t them? Again?

That is part of one of the theories, yes. We’ll get into that.

Okay.

As the final chapter of the Winchester brothers’ twisted tale, five years pass with no official word on them. Then, three years ago in 2017, Sam and Dean Winchester were arrested in a classified rural location on suspicion of plotting to kidnap the President of the United States of America –

They were what?!  Hahahahahah. You like that?  I thought I’d save it.  Save it, you should have led with –  (wheeze)  These guys go from murder to trying to kidnap the president?  How does that even work?  That’s what I’m asking! 

Six months after being taken into custody, both brothers were reported dead one final time. The cause of death? Simultaneous heart failure. The question is: how do the Winchester brothers keep escaping, how do they keep returning from the dead, and is it possible they are still alive somewhere now?

“No.”

“No?”

“No way. The secrete service, Homeland Security? There’s no way.”

“We’re talking two guys who’ve broken out of prison, blown up a whole Sherriff's office and a freakin’ helicopter, went on a killing spree, clearly beheaded some cops a few years later and made them appear as them. But no this, this is the line for you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, why not? There’s gotta be one – gotta a line somewhere.”

“Okay. Okay, we’ll see. Let’s get into the theories.”

**Theory #1 Dean Winchester has Been Dead Since ‘05**

The first theory we explore says that Dean Winchester has actually been dead since his first reported death in 2005. Proponents of this theory point to -

So he’s dead already?  Yeah, he’s always been dead, that’s - Yeah.  But then who is -  We’re getting to that.  Oh I see. 

Those who believe this theory are quick to point out the cult-like way that the Winchester brothers were raised, and the religious ritual surrounding many of their crimes. Believers suggest that after Dean died, the younger brother Sam found another person who was indoctrinated into a similar lifestyle. Theorists suggest this could have been someone they met growing up -

“Oh hi, it’s me Sam, I know we haven’t talked since grade school but here I am on Facebook. Anyway if you want to go on a murder spree with me - “

“HAhahahhaaha. Like just slides into your DMs - “

“Exactly just slides – how are things, are you still with so-and-so, by the way it’s murder time, you in?”

“You in? Yeah. If you – if I messaged you after like ten years and asked you to grab a beer, and then invited you to come murder people with me - “

“Oh I’d say yes.”

“You would?”

“If you, Ryan Begara, invited me to do anything crazy, I think I’d be like – my reaction would be 'now this I gotta see.' I’ve seen you panic about ghosts and ghoulies and you’re - “

“Okay yeah that’s - yeah but what if I didn't have a healthy, normal of the supernatural?”

“... Can’t picture it.”

“Well.”

The second version of this theory is that Sam kidnapped one of his potential victims who bore a strong resemblance to his brother, and used powers of threat and persuasion to mold him into a new criminal partner.

Like Stockholm Syndrome?  I think that’s the idea, yeah.  I don’t buy it.  You think the childhood friend one is more -  Yeah. Of course it is! Indoctrinated from childhood like – Right yeah Like maybe you join his crusade, grab some beers, get on that murder train.  (snort) Murder train.  But just a regular guy? I don’t buy it.  But that’s how – that's the Stockholm Syndrome piece, right?  Like you start to identify with your captor?  Nah. Too many changes to escape.  If it was someone they knew before, why pretend it’s Dean?  Because Sammy-boy missed his brother Or to confuse the cops.  Or yeah, that. 

Evidence for this claim is that images of Dean Winchester from later years have demonstrated small but important differences to his earlier mugshots and fingerprints. For example, a copy of his fingerprints that was taken when he was arrested and held in a county jail in 2010 showed no scarring on his fingerprints, whereas prints taken in ‘08 showed scars across seven out of ten of his digits.

“That’s just – come on. So the guy cut his fingers a couple times, and then started moisturizing.”

"You’re really not buying the lookalike.”

“Not – I mean, there’s a certain kind of poetic tragedy to it. This guy who misses his brother so bad he tries to make a new version of him from someone else.”

“If that’s what you consider poetry – ”

“Haha, so if I – shall I compare thee to a summer’s day murder?”

“Hahahahahahahaa - “

“But you get what I’m saying, right?”

“Yeah totally. Except I don’t think it’s poetic so much as – yeah it’s tragic. It would be kinda sad to miss someone that much, that you kidnap the next best thing.”

“But we don’t think that’s what happened.”

“No, probably not.”

One critical problem with this theory is that Sam Winchester has been reported dead by authorities at least twice alongside his brother, so even if he replaced Dean after his first or second apparent death, that still cannot explain how Sam himself was still alive. With that in mind, let’s move on to our second theory.

**Theory #2 - Their Corpses are all Convincing Fakes**

Critics of the replacement theories are quick to point out that Dean Winchester wasn’t only reported dead a single time in 2005, but is also suspected to have died 2008 in an undisclosed manner, and then was reported dead again alongside with Sam in 2010, in 2012, and in 2017. While it’s not impossible that Sam Winchester could have found someone to replace his brother a single time, it seems unlikely that was the case given their mutual habit of cheating death. Instead, these theories argue that neither Sam nor Dean Winchester have ever truly died.

“Well duh.”

“Yeah I don’t - I mean I think it makes the most sense, obviously, that neither died. But how do they explain how they got the FBI and all these different agencies to pronounce them dead so many times? I get the time Sam ID’d the corpse the first time, and the lack of bodies at the explosion, but even before the building exploded the FBI had reported them dead. How would they get the FBI to do that?”

“I dunno. Torture?”

“Maaaybe. Seems unlikely to work all those times.”

“Less unlikely than actual resurrection. Tell me you’re not arguing for actual resurrection, Ryan.” 

“Ha! We’ll see.”

Evidence for this theory comes from online tumblr user _@deanwsaliveiknowit_ , who put together a timeline of all the times Dean was declared dead and all the times he resurfaced either in custody or in news footage and confirmed sightings. This person points out that Dean and Sam both escaped from Green County Detention Center and from the bank robbery, which is evidence for their capacity as escape artists. 

It seems possible that after Sam had to fake a positive ID for his brother, they would have come up with plans for what to do if arrested. Given Sam’s IQ, this does not seem unlikely. Their history of training and violence seems to lead them to target law enforcement each time they are arrested. It is possible they successfully impersonated FBI and law officials each time they were declared dead or eluded capture.

Oh yeah – that's. Yeah, that makes sense. They fudge some paperwork, declare themselves dead, then blow up a building before anyone goes looking for a body.  Exactly yeah. Plan out what they’re gonna do if they get arrested ever, then just go full on assault mode when it happens?  I like this theory.  It’s sound. 

While de-classified reports from the FBI and CIA counter-intelligence divisions have indicated that both Winchester brothers were in fact detained in a high-security undisclosed facility after they were arrested on charges relating to conspiracy to assassinate the president, many individuals have expressed disbelief that the brothers ever truly died in custody. The lack of any bodies or reported cause of death has caused many to believe that the brothers are either still alive in captivity, or have since escaped once again.

No way.  No?  I’m sticking to my guns. Guantamo baby! ...  Not that -  Not that extrajudicial capture and torture-slash-murder is okay.  No, exactly. But still, my money is on that being where they – that being legit.  These guys are master escape artists.  I think they’re just – they're just covering their asses.  Oh like, whoops, we lost ‘em?  Hahahahahah like -  Can’t let anyone know they lost these guys who kidnapped the president.  (wheeze) 

Proponents of this theory also point out that the CIA would not indicate that Dean and Sam Winchester were the persons they took into custody if anyone other than the Winchester brothers were the persons they apprehended. Put simply, while news and local county jails may be fooled by a lookalike, it seems unlikely that the Central Intelligence Agency would not ensure they had the correct person, verified via DNA with Sam also in custody.

Can you imagine combining this theory with the first one?  Like it’s - ‘hi I’m actually Sam’s childhood -  (laugh) Like - I’m actually just a guy with Stockholm Syndrome -  (laughing)Yeah  please don’t blame me for this.  Yeah yeah. Well, y’know, maybe it was his idea?  The Stockholm guy?  Sammy-boy wasn’t all about the political action until now, so maybe...  Ooh, so the Stockholm-ee became the Stockholm-er.  That’s too many stalkings. 

**Theory #3 – The Winchesters are not Human**

Don’t say aliens. Please don’t say -  It’s aliens.  Dammit. 

The third theory argues that the Winchester brothers are not actually human at all. Rather, they are either some form of extraterrestrial being sent to observe earth, or are perhaps a series of clones, shapeshifters, or doppelgängers.

Seriously? That’s what we’re – Look I don’t think, I don’t think this one has all that much merit. But there’s something – (laughing) something ‘special’ about it?  Yeah something ‘special’ Like e-special-ly unhinged?  (laugh) yeah something like that

While this theory doesn’t advance many other arguments or explanations for what and why the Brothers Winchesters do what they do, it is the simplest explanation for how they continue to come back from being declared dead. It suggests that the brothers do in fact keep dying, and are replaced by new clones or doppelgängers each time, although the purpose of this is unknown. This would explain the differences in scarring on their fingerprints and other notable scars on record, as well as apparent personality differences that confuse the profile. It would also explain the memory loss and strange clouds from when the precinct in Colorado was blown up.

One aspect of this theory is that it argues that the fires that killed Mary Winchester and Jessica Moore occurred because each got ‘too close’ to the truth of whatever the Winchester men ‘truly are’, and points to the bizarre lack of ignition source except on the ceiling for these fires as evidence that the Winchesters are not human.

So what, they started the fires with their minds?  Pretty much, yeah.  If these guys could start fires with their minds don’t you think they’d do it a little more often?  Maybe they kill people with their minds too.  Then why use guns?  Yeah … yeah it doesn’t make a lot of sense. 

**Theory #4 The Winchester Brothers Are Actual Monster Hunters**

Moving on to our next and final theory –

You mean aliens wasn’t the final theory?  Aliens was not the final theory. You’re gonna like this one.  That means I am not going to -  You’re gonna love it.  I’m - it’s ghosts, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s not ghosts. Just wait – just wait, okay? There’s more to this theory than meets the eye.  That’s what you always say. Just wait. 

Moving on to our final theory, some people believe that Sam and Dean Winchester are actual demon-hunters. Proponents of this theory argue that the very strange occurrences surrounding Sam and Dean Winchester are most simply and conclusively explained by the existence of paranormal occurrences. They argue that the Winchesters deaths have mostly been true, and that the brothers are continuously resurrected because they are, in fact, on a holy mission to exterminate demons.

What a load of crap.  I know, I know, okay, just give it a sec. 

This theory points to things like the fact that the body ID’d as Dean in St. Louis had his prints and authorities were confident it was him. They claim that Sam and Dean have died multiple times, but are being resurrected by supernatural forces in order to continue their mission on earth. The evidence for this theory is that almost every victim of a crime related to the Winchester brothers has vouched for them in various police reports, cities, and states – many going so far as to indicate that Sam or Dean ‘saved’ them –

What, wait?  Yeah.  That didn’t come up in the main part.  It’s weird, right? Like how does it -  It doesn’t fit with the serial killer thing.  The Stockholm Syndrome one. Maybe.  Hard maybe. 

Many of these witnesses have also claimed unexplainable events and bizarre happenings, some even mentioning things like poltergeists, ghosts, and demonic possession. Proponents also criticize the holes in the other theories, such as the inconclusive profile, and how the brothers would have been declared legally dead by such competent authorities as the FBI and CIA, and how would they have the means of committing some of their crimes, such as mass explosion. 

Moreover, they point to the fact that in almost all cases related to the brothers, people were dying before Sam and Dean arrived in whichever location it was. If this theory were to be true, it would mean that Sam and Dean Winchester have died and been brought back to life, and that their cult-like upbringing was in fact a legitimate training regime for fighting monsters and exploring the paranormal.

_We_ explore the paranormal, Ryan – We do.  And we’ve never found conclusive evidence.  We’ve found – _Conclusive evidence._ So what’s your –  If these guys were on a legit demon-hunting crusade –  Point.  Then wouldn’t – wouldn’t we have seen some evidence of real, actual demons by now?  Okay –  The Sallie house – (scathing noise)  (laughter) 

While this theory cannot account for the killing spree of 2012, it does provide some explanation for the overall strangeness of the case, and provides a different lens to consider the Mystery of the Brothers Winchester.

“So what do you think?”

“Well I don’t think they’re monster hunters!”

“I gotta say, in light of the evidence, I don’t think any of the theories make a lick of sense.”

“Yeah this is a weird one. Weirder than usual I mean. What I don’t get is – is how does someone go from arson to grave robbing to murder, then up to bank robbing, exploding buildings, then a mass killing spree? Like what is that kind of profile?”

“Yeah that gets brought up a lot, how they don’t seem to fit any normal patterns. They’re not victim-focused serial killers, they don’t take trophies, they’re co-dependent, obviously, but like – ”

“Cult up-brining? These guys seem like they really drank the koolaid if you know what I mean.”

“They probably would’ve been less dangerous if they actually drank the koolaid.”

“These guys are like – like survivalist gone wild.”

“Yeah I have no idea. I do know I would hate to be the guy who was like ‘okay, case closed’ only for them to show up years later on that killing spree.”

“Can you imagine what – oh so you got a promotion for declaring them dead? We’re just gonna - “

“Just gonna take that back hahaha.”

“An un-promotion party? Does the office still chip in to get you a cake?”

“Hahahahahaha what would you write on that cake? Congratulations on getting fired?”

“There’s an arson pun in there.”

“Getting fired up about arson!”

“Alright, that’s – that’s terrible. That's a wrap.”

Whether the Winchester brothers were demon-hunters on a mission from God or whether they were two very deranged individuals shaped by being raised as child-soldiers into being serial killers and arsonists is unknown. Unfortunately, the motives of their crimes and their strange ability to continuously be declared dead and yet later resurface will for now remain… Unsolved.

\- - -

“What are you listening to?”

“What?”

“I asked what you’re listening to.”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, you’re giggling like a Catholic schoolgirl.”

“I am n - “

“Hand it over.”

“Dean!”

They grapple and fight for the ipod, the car veering slightly into the opposing (blessedly empty) lane. On principle of not having Dean drive off the road in the grapple for the device, Sam loses.

“Aha! I swear to God if this is Celine Dion...” Dean puts it in his ear, listens for a moment. “Is this that true crime shit you listen to?”

“Yes now give it back.”

“They’re talking about some crazy serial killers who... wait... Sam.”

Sam’s smile is a little sheepish. Dean's eyebrows are climbing, glancing at his brother.

“Is this – are they talking about...”

“Us? Uh. Yeah.”

“Holy crap.” Dean rips the bud out of his ear. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

“Oh c’mon, it’s funny!”

“About as funny as those damn books about us!”

“This is way different. Just give it a listen.”

“Give me a reason.”

“...Apparently some people think we’re aliens.”

“... I'm gonna need some whiskey for this. And then I'm calling Charlie and getting her to scrub us off the internet. Again!”

[END]

**Author's Note:**

> After I wrote this, I discovered (maybe not that shocking) that there’s already a version in existence. It takes a different lens somewhat, but if you enjoyed this then [you should go check it out!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16148570)
> 
> Also a **HUGE** shout-out to VanillaBroomPolish for posting the code I used as the base for this workskin. To see the very cool things they did with the code, you should check out their [Unsolved Captain America fic.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970363)
> 
>  **Final note:** my advice would be to *not* try to write or edit workskins for fics if you enjoy your sanity, but here we are.


End file.
